


Nowhere To Go But You

by brokenhighways



Series: Librarian!Jensen [3]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 10:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are going good until one day Jared loses his job, and the mother of his child suddenly decides that she wants to see her daughter after two years of radio silence.  In the midst of it all he almost loses sight of the best relationship that he’s ever had. Will Jared be able to keep it all together or risk losing the only person he’s ever loved?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nowhere To Go But You

**Author's Note:**

> Previous parts.
> 
> \- We'll Play Hide And Seek To Turn This Around
> 
> \- Jensen POV.

“You owe me 30 cents,” Jensen says with a grin as Jared drops a book down onto his desk. Even though he’d reminded Jared, at least, five times about the books being due yesterday Jared had still forgotten. In his defence, this was the first time he’d brought back books late in almost a year.

“We’re almost out of paperclips you know, 30 cents could go a _long_ way to replenishing out stocks.” Jensen’s smirking at him now and Jared pulls a face at him as he pulls out his wallet.

“Here you go,” he says as he puts a couple of coins in Jensen’s hand. “Sorry I can’t stay long; things have been hectic at work.”

“How come?” Jensen asks as his smile is replaced with a concerned look.

“A new place opened up across the street from us,” Jared says. “It’s cheaper, has more state of the art equipment and twice as many workers as we have.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, my boss isn’t very happy at the moment,” Jared replies. “Speaking of my boss, I better get back.”

“We still on for lunch tomorrow?” Jensen asks.

“Yours at 12?” Jared says and Jensen nods. Jared grins.

“I’ll be there.”

He leans down and plants a wet kiss on Jensen’s forehead before he turns to leave.

“Asshole,” Jensen grumbles as Jared starts to walk away. He’s laughing as he turns around once more to wave at Jensen.

\--

“I don’t smell anything cooking,” Jared says when Jensen opens his door the next day. “You promised to feed me.”

“Well if we have time after maybe I’ll rustle up a sandwich”.

Within a few minutes, Jensen has Jared’s back slammed against his bedroom door as they kiss each other hungrily. Their hands fumble as they peel each other shirts off, hands running down smooth skin as they move apart.

“Not to be a buzzkill or anything but can we move this to bed,” Jensen says. “I’m not as young and spry as I used to be.”

“Spry?” Jared says with a laugh as Jensen backtracks towards his bed. “God, I’m dating a nerdy librarian who uses words like ‘spry’. It’s a good thing that you’re a good lay.”

“Ha ha,” Jensen replies sarcastically though he’s smiling. “Keep on talk like that and I’ll send you packing.”

“You wouldn’t,” Jared says as he tackles Jensen onto the bed. “There’s no getting rid of me, old man.” Jensen rolls his eyes but he’s soon distracted again when Jared pushes him down and attacks his mouth again.

“How long do we have?” he asks once they come for air, his hands slowly tugging down the zipper on Jensen’s jeans.

“Mmm, long enough.” is Jensen’s response.

Jared grins.

 

\--

The day Jared loses his job, he gets a bad feeling.  Not just because he no longer has a way of getting steady income each week but because he knows that this is when everything starts to go to shit. He’d love nothing more than to drink himself into oblivion right now but there’s still the matter of fending for his two-year-old daughter. She giggles obliviously that evening as she watches some inane cartoon on television while Jared goes through his bank statements from the past couple of months. He’s not sure how long he’s been sitting there when he realises that it’s gone past seven.

“You okay, baby?” he says as he looks down at where Aimee’s sitting on a spot in front of the television.

“’M tired” is her sleepy response and Jared spends the next half an hour putting her to bed. At least she’s not going to fight him on the sacred topic of bedtime today of all days. His phone buzzes with a text as he shuts her room door. Jensen’s coming over. Jared doesn’t really have the heart to tell him not to come, so he just resigns himself to trying to reverse the permanent frown he’s had since this morning.

\--

The next morning after he calls Sophia to tell her that she doesn’t need to watch Aimee, he makes the mistake of picking up the mail. And instead of going back to bed for a well-deserved lie-in he makes another mistake and opens said mail. It’s mostly just bills but the last one looks official. His stomach churns a little as he gets that bad feeling again. He opens it slowly, trepidation building up more as he rips the seal. When he reads the contents he goes from reeling in shock, to being so angry that he wants to punch the wall. Sarah. _You haven’t heard the last of this!_ Each day after she’d been here he’d wondered when she’d make her next move, wondered if she’d ever have the balls to step up and try to be a mother to her child but…never for a minute did he think that she’d actually call up a lawyer and request joint custody. It’s the single most terrifying and ludicrous prospect he’s ever been faced with in his life. Jared somehow feels like he’s treading underwater as he goes up to check on Aimee before grabbing a quick shower. After that, he calls Sophia and asks if she minds taking Aimee for the day after all. He feels bad for imposing, bad for not taking every moment he can with his daughter when he’s faced with losing her. But Jared would hate himself more for allowing her to see him so upset.

Especially seeing as how right now, all he wants to do is get stinking drunk and sleep for like a month. Sophia comes and goes, she can gauge his mood well enough to know not to ask questions. He doesn’t count on Jensen turning up when he’s midway through his third Corona. And because Jared happens to be a lightweight, he finds himself on the wrong side of ‘tipsy’. He’s spread out on his couch watching some stupid daytime soap opera when the TV suddenly switches itself off. Or not as Jensen appears by his side two seconds later.

“Hey,” he mumbles as he takes another swig.  “When did you get here?”

“Sophia called me an hour ago, said that you didn’t look so good. I got someone to take over my shift,” Jensen says as he pulls the bottle out of Jared’s hand and sets it down on the table. “You shouldn’t be drinking beer if you’re sick”. He sounds so sincere and genuine even if Jared can tell that Jensen _knows_ that he’s not sick.

“I lost my job,” he says. “We’ve been losing clients and money since that other garage opened up and in the end, we had to…had to shut down. But s’okay, I don’t need the money anyway. Not when Sarah gets to take Aimee…mind you, I’d probably have to pay child support every month and—“

“Jared,” Jensen cuts him off mid-ramble. “Stop. Take a deep breath and start from the beginning”. His tone is enough to make something snap inside Jared and he shakes his head a little as if he’s trying to clear it physically.

“There’s a letter on the shelf behind you…just read it.” Jensen nods at him curtly as he turns around and grabs the letter. After a few minutes, Jensen clears his throat and Jared looks up to find Jensen looking at him uneasily. Almost as if he thinks going to say something that Jared doesn’t want to hear.

“This…isn’t exactly a bad thing. I mean…it’s good in a way, for both you and Aimee.”

And that? Is exactly what Jared doesn’t want to hear.

“You know, I’d prefer to be on my own right now so…”

“You want me to leave?” Jensen sounds a lot more surprised than Jared think he ought to. He doesn’t answer, just shrugs. Jensen sighs as he stands up, he looks worried and sympathetic and Jared just doesn’t need that at the moment.

“Just make sure you’ve sorted yourself out before Sophia drops Aimee off, okay? Or call me if you don’t think you can”.

He leaves quietly but his words linger and ring in Jared’s head as loud and clear as a fucking bell.

\--

He dumps the rest of beer number three in the sink and downs three glasses of water and makes himself a cup of coffee. Jensen’s right. He knows that he is. It’s good that Sarah’s trying to make the effort; good that Aimee might have a chance to get to know her mother. But…Jared doesn’t trust Sarah. He doesn’t think that she’s going to be a good presence in their lives. Of course, she might have changed by now, but after her visit last year, he’s not so sure. But a year’s a long time and he supposes that he has to give her chance. For his daughter’s sake. And it’s not like he can afford a lawyer right now that’s good enough to make Sarah go away preferably forever. So he does some research on the internet for a while. In the end, he finds some useful information but it still feels like a waste of time. Jared decides to try and take his mind off it by cleaning up for a couple of hours. By the time he looks up from where he’s scrubbing the kitchen ceiling clean for the third time, it’s been _six_ hours. It’s nine in the evening and he wonders if Sophia had decided to keep Aimee at her place. He rips off the yellow gloves and pats his pockets for his phone only to realise that he doesn’t have it on him. This leads to a frantic five minute search while he frets over the possibility of his daughter or Jensen being hurt. There’s a text waiting for him when he eventually finds it under the couch. Sophia says she fell asleep with Aimee and lost track of time. Part of Jared tells him that she’s really testing whether or not he’s in the right frame of mind and briefly he’s feels a little angry. He calls her and tells her to bring Aimee back home. After that he calls Jensen – who doesn’t pick up – and leaves a voicemail message apologising for earlier on.

\---

Twenty minutes later, Jensen arrives with Aimee in tow and there’s no sign of Sophia. Aimee’s still awake which surprises Jared, she looks a little down as well and he frowns up at Jensen.

“Hey,” he says easily. “What’s up, is she okay?”

“She’s just worried about you.” Jensen looks down at her and smiles softly and not for the first time Jared wonders how he got so lucky. He might have his doubts and reservations about their relationship at times but he knows that Jensen loves his little girl with all of his heart. It puts Jensen’s earlier words into perspective.

“I’ll put her to bed and then we can talk, okay?” he says. 

Jensen nods.He’s tucking Aimee into bed when her eyes flutter open like she’s just realised that he’s here. She’s been dozing on and off as he got her ready for sleep but now she seems like she’s more aware of things. She reaches up and grabs his hand. Well, it’s more like is thumb because her tiny fingers would never be able to grab his entire hand. He smiles down at her, sadness pings in his chest as he realises that she’d missed him throughout the day.

He’s tucking Aimee into bed when her eyes flutter open like she’s just realised that he’s here. She’s been dozing on and off as he got her ready for sleep but now she seems like she’s more aware of things. She reaches up and grabs his hand. Well, it’s more like his thumb because her tiny fingers would never be able to grab his entire hand. He smiles down at her, sadness pings in his chest as he realises that she’d missed him throughout the day.

“What do you think about having a Mommy?” he asks her softly, not that he really expects her to understand. She mumbles a response quietly before her eyes flutter shut. It sounds a hell of a lot like, “No mommy”.

Jared kisses her forehead and leaves her room quietly.

“Sometimes I forget,” Jensen says. “I forget that she’s not mine because I love you, and I love her and you’re both family to me. I’m sorry for speaking out of turn.” Jared’s only just gotten back into the front room so Jensen’s immediate comment takes him by surprise. _Family._ Jensen tells him that he loves him all the time, at the end of phone calls, when they meet up for drinks…and Jared’s said it all of two times. It’s not that he doesn’t love Jensen, he does. But he can’t help waiting for the shoe to drop even if moments like this show him how stupid he’s being. He chooses not to breach the family subject now. Not until he has the time to sit back and really think about it.

“For what it’s worth, I love you too,” Jared says. 

“I know you do,” Jensen replies with a smile. “And it’s worth everything.” There’s a beat and they both start laughing at the same time.

“Maybe we should start this conversation again, but without the cheesy declarations?”

“Sounds good to me,” Jared agrees. “And you were right earlier on. Sarah reaching out is good, even if she hasn’t exactly gone the right way about it.”

“I dunno, maybe she felt like she had no choice.”

“Right, because she’s been to see her daughter more than once,” Jared says despondently as he shakes her head.

“She hasn’t?”

“That one time you saw her here is the only time I’ve seen her since three days after Aimee was born.”

“I…uh, I did not know that.” Jensen sounds a little wistful like somehow that changes his view on things but Jared shrugs it off.

“You were still right, and…I don’t want Aimee to  grow up thinking that she doesn’t have a mom like everyone else does,” he replies. “And I don’t know Sarah all that well so it’s not like I can tell her stories or something.”

“So…you’re going to the meeting then, the initial one before you decide whether or not you do mediation first or fight this out in court.”

“Guess so.”

\--

Jensen’s admission that he sees Jared and Aimee as his family opens up Jared’s eyes to a few things. Well, one thing in particular. That Jensen’s still here, that he hasn’t run a mile in all the time they’ve been dating. Even with all of Jared’s flakiness, he’s _still_ here. It makes Jared think about himself and he comes to a realisation that he puts forward to Chad who’s over at his place to console him over the loss of his job. Which basically means, play video games and drink Jared’s beer.  Aimee’s over having a play date with one of her friends from the library so that gives Jared a few hours to kick back. Really he should be out there looking for a new job, but he figures that a couple of hours of downtime won’t kill him.

“You know where you should work next?” Chad is saying as he waves his controller around, “Starbucks. The baristas in there suck. They always look so grumpy in the mornings. Like, I get that it’s the _morning_ but what happened to making your customers happy!” Jared doesn’t bother to tell Chad that he’s an idiot because at this point Chad takes it as a compliment.

“Right,” he says. “And when Aimee ends up seeing something she shouldn’t because Jensen can’t keep his hands off me because I smell like coffee…I’ll blame you”. It takes Chad a few seconds to get it but when he does he pulls a face,

“Dude, come on. I just ate.” Jared elbows him playfully as he cackles at his best friend. There’s a comfortable silence for a few minutes as they play their game but after that Chad sighs and pauses it.

“Come on, out with it,” he says. Jared just shoots him a questioning look and Chad rolls his eyes, “Whatever it is. Tell Uncle Chad all about it.”

“Okay, first of all – please never refer to yourself as _Uncle_ Chad again. It’s creepy—“

“So what’s Aimee supposed to call me when she’s older and I’m the cool one who gives her the good advice?”

“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen.” Jared deadpans and Chad just rolls his eyes again.

“Ha-ha. Anyway don’t avoid the question, man.”

“Do you think that I’m afraid of commitment?” Jared decides that he may as well use Chad as his sounding board.

“Whoa there. I am not drunk enough for _this_ conversation. Hell, I’m not even drunk at all,” Chad says before he cocks his head to one side as he eyes Jared. “Why are you asking?”

“Well…I don’t know. Losing my job and Sarah wanting custody just kind of made me think about my life, y’know? I dropped out of college with a semester to go. Before Jensen, the longest relationship I had was three months long. It feels like the only commitment I’ve ever made was to my daughter,” Jared pauses as Chad stares at him. “And you, unfortunately.”

“Well, at least you’re not doubting your ability to make jokes,” Chad replies in an all too serious tone. Jared feels himself tensing up as he sits up straighter. Mentally prepares himself for what Chad’s about to say. “Though I wish that you’d learn how to believe in yourself. I don’t think you’re afraid of commitment, not anymore.”

“Not anymore?” Jared repeats and Chad nods.

“If you were, you’d have given up on your little girl a long time ago and you haven’t yet. And there’s Jensen.”

“Jensen’s the reason why I asked; yesterday he said that he saw us as a _family_. I had no idea that he felt that way. It’s kind of…scary, but like, not in a bad way.”

“He’s right though, you know that don’t you?” There’s a hint of incredulity in Chad’s voice and Jared snaps his mouth shut meekly as he looks down at the floor, avoiding Chad’s all too knowing gaze. “My god, you’re a moron.”

“I guess that I never really thought about it. I mean, we’ve only been dating for a year”.

“You just acknowledged it being your _longest_ relationship,” Chad says. “I mean, I could tell you a million things right now about you and Jensen.”

“Maybe you should – we can call it payback for that time I got you a date with Sophia.”

“She threw a drink in my face fifteen minutes into the date!” Chad protests but Jared just waves a hand in dismissal. “You know sometimes I look at you and Jensen and get a little jealous. I mean, I’m your best friend right but Jensen’s like your best friend and boyfriend all rolled into one. Sometime you’re so in sync that it’s like you can read each other’s minds.”  Chad stops and looks up at Jared, squinting his eyes a little as he presumably reads Jared’s face. He must see something there because he sighs and continues,

“You remember Chris’ birthday? How you couldn’t find anyone to look after Aimee so you stayed home but made Jensen come along?” Jared nods slowly, as if to say ‘And your point is?’ “Well he was miserable the whole time, man.  He was drinking _soda_ , of all things. So because I’m awesome, I sat with him and I asked about you. He spent the next two hours telling me about the most inane shit. And he had this…look on his face the entire time, like he couldn’t quite believe that these were his stories to tell.”

“….he didn’t show you the pigtails picture did he?” Jared says as he flushes and rubs the back of his neck. Chad just grins. _Crap_.

“I figure I’ll get it blown up as a wedding gift or something.” That snaps Jared’s mind back to the discussion at hand. Wedding?

“Okay, but what about _me_ , do I ever have that look on my face? What if I can’t give Jensen what he wants?”

“You should just start paying me to tell you how stupid you are.”

“ _Chad_!”

“Okay, okay. Gee. Look you’re just sickeningly disgusting over him as he is over you,” Chad says. “The fact that you’re asking says it all. I’ve never seen you like this over anyone.”

Jared doesn’t really know what to say after that. When Chad leaves he ends up in his bedroom and finds himself clearing out half of his closet.

\--

 

Sarah looks good. That’s the first thing Jared thinks as he sits across from her at the cherry oak table in her lawyers office. The fact that he even knows that it’s cherry oak tells him how nervous and unsettled his is. He smoothes his hands over his jeans for the umpteenth time as her lawyer flips through the papers on the table. Steve, a lawyer friend of his – or well Jensen’s really - sits by his side as they eye Sarah’s lawyer. Steve eventually clears his throat,

“Look, can we get started now? We don’t have all day.” Jared glances at Sarah who sits there and stares back at him. She looks a little defiant and smug, like she thinks that this is some sort of game. The sad thing, Jared realises, is that he wouldn’t be surprised if she did think that. But he’s not here to fight her, he’s here to hear her out.

 

Over the next few weeks Jared spends most of his days calling in old favours and trying to find a job. For the most part he’s unsuccessful but he manages to set up a few interviews at some of the garages across town and a bar a few streets away. He ends up getting home late a lot of the time and not for the first time; he counts his lucky stars that Sophia is an awesome friend who doesn’t mind him not always being on time. Somewhere in between all of that the second meeting with Sarah happens. It goes as well as the first one did. This is to say not well at all. Sarah wants access every weekend, whereas Jared’s willing to let her see Aimee on either Saturday or Sunday every other weekend. According to Steve, he’s being reasonable enough but Jared’s not sure that the courts will say it that way. He’s heard enough stories about fathers’ who can’t see their kids to know that he’s probably going to cave. Sarah comes from a wealthy enough family; she has the means to make this a messy, drawn out affair. She says the same bullshit she did in the first meeting and Jared sits there and tries not to keep on glancing at his watch.

\--

“We should do something,” Jared says as he and Jensen sit down at a table in the local coffee shop.

“We’re doing something right now.” Jared sighs as he takes a sip of his coffee. He’s been mulling Chad’s words over and over since they spoke. Jensen’s family, he’s home – but now that Jared’s realised that he’s not sure how to express it. He gets the sense that just saying it won’t be enough. Of course the problem with Jared’s head being all conflicted right now is that he tends to zone out. Like, a lot. Kind of like the way he’s zoning out right now. This is the first time he’s spoken to Jensen since the second meeting. Which is bad, but he’s had a lot on his mind.  He shakes his head lightly.

“Uh, how are things at the library?” Jared asks.

“Same as they were last time you were there.”

“Look I’m sorry that I’ve been kind of distant lately, just I’ve been juggling Aimee, the mediation and job searching at the same time,” Jared says. “You get that right?” Jensen hums a little but it doesn’t sound pleasant. He takes a long drink of his coffee before he sets it down on the table.

“Maybe you should give me a call when you’ve got things sorted out and not just when you need someone to look after _your_ kid.” Jared recoils in shock at the bitter tone of Jensen’s words. Jensen has the decency to look a little sheepish but he doesn’t apologise and all Jared can do is stare at him. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he picks up his coffee cup and stands up.

“Maybe you should give me a call when you’re ready to tell me what’s bothering you.” And he turns to leave, ignoring the “Jared, wait!” that he hears behind him.

\--

On the Friday before the third meeting and four days after he had coffee with Jensen, Jared gets a call from Sarah. She wants to meet up somewhere so they can ‘talk’. Jared bites back the urge to tell her to fuck off and tells her to come over to his apartment. He hasn’t seen Jensen since that ill-fated day nor has he dumped his kid with any of his friends. It’d made the job search a little harder but he’s not in the red just yet. He has enough money to tide him over for a few months. He tidies up a little, packs Aimee’s toys away and settles her down for a nap. He doesn’t want her to be present if things get ugly. Briefly he considers calling Jensen but he chooses not to in the end. He just doesn’t have the energy for the conversation that they need to have.

When she arrives, he watches as she looks his apartment over like she’s sizing it up. He rolls his eyes while she’s got her back to him and eventually directs her to the couch.

“Where’s Aimee?” is the first thing she asks.

“She’s having a nap,” Jared says easily. “Look what did you want to talk about? I have some things that I need to do.”

“I…uh, I got a call from someone called Jensen? Your friend or boyfriend or something.” Jared feels anger seeping into his bones but he clenches his teeth and looks at her expectantly.

“What did he say?”

“He just told me some things that I needed to hear,” Sarah replies. “I’ve been selfish and demanding when I have no right to be and you still heard me out. He helped me to realise that you doing that had to be enough. I don’t have the right to demand anything. I can’t spend two years pretending that I don’t have a daughter and then just walk back into her life.”

“Did he now?” Jared can’t help the anger in his tone and Sarah wrings her hands nervously.

“He asked me not to tell you…but—“

“You couldn’t help yourself?”

“No!” Sarah insists. “I owe you an apology.” Jared bites back the urge to tell her to say whatever the fuck she wants to say already. He’s got a pounding headache.

“Right.”

“I’m sorry for leaving the way I did,” Sarah says once he’s spoken. “I had my reasons even if in hindsight, what I did was cowardly. I left because I…liked you.” Jared can’t help snorting at that. She _liked_ him? Maybe he’d imagined how horrible she’d been back then. God, she had some nerve.

“Oh yeah, because that makes sense.”

“It doesn’t to you!” she exclaims. “But back then it did. You were never going to like me like _that_ and I saw the way you looked at Aimee and something just snapped and I just had to get the hell out.” Jared hates that he’s starting to feel sympathetic, but he can easily see how she must have felt.

“It’s okay,” he says. “It’s all in the past now but thanks for telling me why…I always wondered…”

“I don’t think you understand…you have this way of charming people without even realising you’re doing it. I was horrible to you because I hated that you didn’t even see what you were doing. You were just patient and all smiles like you weren’t freaking out as much as I was!”

“That’s because I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yeah, well sometimes people need to hear stuff like that out loud,” Sarah continues. “Jensen kinda saw where I was coming from. Make sure you don’t screw that up.”

“What Jensen and I have has _nothing_ to do with you!” Jared says angrily. “Look why exactly did you come here? I’d rather we stuck to discussing the matter at hand. Which is our daughter.”

“I want to see her. But on your terms.” Jared eyes Sarah curiously, not really buying her sudden change of heart but he shrugs. He’ll deal with the fallout if it comes to that.

“Okay,” he says.

“Can I see her now?” Sarah looks a little terrified at the prospect and Jared sighs. Even though the last thing he wants to do is leave is apartment right now he finds himself saying,

“Sure, we can all go for a walk or something.” She smiles at him gratefully and he ignores the nauseous feeling that’s been bugging him all day.

“Are you feeling alright?” she asks. “You look a little pale?”

“I’m fine,” Jared assures her. “Just fine.”

\--

When he gets back from the walk Jared is a mixture of tired and angry

He’s pissed that Jensen went behind his back and spoke to Sarah and just bone deep tired of just about everything. His head feels foggy and he feels a little nauseated. Shit, he thinks. He’s probably coming down with something. An hour later after he’s been sick twice he revises that thought. He’s _definitely_ coming down with something. He pulls his phone out of pocket and starts scrolling through his contacts. When he reaches Jensen his brain helpfully supplies him with a reminder of what Jensen said. _Maybe you should give me a call when you’ve got things sorted out and not just when you need someone to look after your_ _kid._ Fuck it, he thinks and he calls his mom. It doesn’t take long to get her to agree to look after Aimee for the weekend and before he knows it he’s made the drive to and from his parent’s house. By the time he gets home, he kind of wishes that he’d stayed at his parents. But the plan is to take a couple of aspirins and clear out his DVR. By the time Monday comes around he’ll be fine.

By the time Monday comes around he’ll be fine.

\--

Come Monday, he is definitely not fine. He finds that he can barely even remember what he’s done all weekend. With a long suffering sigh, he calls his Mom and tells her that he’s sick. She agrees to keep Aimee with her until he can go the doctor’s office. Which is his next port of call, and it only takes him all of twenty five minutes to get an appointment at the end of the day. After he grabs a rather sluggish shower, he tugs on his running clothes and goes out for a run. However the fact that it hurts to move ensures that it’s more of a slow walk. He grabs a paper from the store on the corner and heads back down the street. By the time he reaches his front door, he feels like he might pass out and he berates himself for forgetting to bring a bottle of water. He notices Jensen then, and the thought slips away from his mind.

“Jared,” he says with a nod and Jared just starts patting his pockets down, desperately trying to find his keys. Great - another thing that he’d forgotten.

“Can you let me in?” he asks tiredly. “I left my keys inside.” Jensen makes an angry noise and Jared pinches the bridge of his nose as his head throbs.

“ _Please_ ,” he says when Jensen makes no attempt to move. Jared idly notices that Jensen isn’t wearing his glasses and he sighs. So this had been a planned visit then.

“You look terrible,” Jensen says conversationally though he moves towards the door and unlocks it.

“Thanks.”

“Jared, I’m sor—“

“Can we talk later? I’m not in the mood.” And with that Jared enters his apartment and promptly shuts the door in Jensen’s face. He leans back on the door as he tries to regain his bearings. He’s not sure how long he stands there for but he’s snapped back into reality by the newspaper falling onto the floor. He steps forward, rolls his shoulders back and gets moving.

By the time he wakes up from his impromptu nap, he’s missed his appointment and is out of medication. With a heavy sigh, he drags himself up and grabs his keys and slips his shoes on. If he’s lucky, he might be able to get down to the pharmacy a few streets away before they close down. He doesn’t count on finding Jensen sitting on his porch when he opens the door.

“Seriously?” he can’t help griping. “When I said we’d talk later, I meant a phone call or something. Not camping outside my place until I leave again.”

“I was just…worried,” Jensen says. “Plus I haven’t been here the whole time. I had to work after all.” Maybe it’s just the headache and nap making Jared’s head foggy but Jensen’s words don’t resonate well with him.

“Right, whereas jobless Jared spent all day inside, doing nothing?” Jensen’s eyes widen as he shakes his head. For a moment, Jared’s distracted because Jensen always looks different with his contacts in.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Jensen protests. “Are you feeling okay?” The change in direction is so abrupt that Jared blinks a little before the words settle in his mind.

“I’m fine.”

 

\--

The next thing Jared remembers is waking up in the ER. The smell hits him first and he wrinkles his nose. He soon realises that there are wires attached to his arms and lots of beeping machines that start to grate on his nerves after a few seconds.

“You’re awake!” He looks up then and notices Jensen sitting in the chair beside his bed. He frowns as memories come back to him. He remembers leaving and finding Jensen outside but not much after that.

“What time is it?” he asks his voice raspy and low.

“Just gone past 3am,” Jensen says. “You passed out by your front door. They said that you had a mild fever and you were a little dehydrated. They are treating you with an IV and keeping you in overnight for observation. But the doctor says that you’ll be good to go home tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Jared says. “You can go. If you want to that is.” Jensen sucks in a breath and Jared can hear him exhaling quietly. He can tell that Jensen’s trying to hold his anger in and he tries to not slump into the bed. The mattress isn’t all that great anyway.

“Look, I didn’t want to do this here,” Jensen starts and fear rises up Jared’s chest. This is it, he thinks. This is the moment where Jensen says that he can’t do this anymore. “But we need to talk”

“Aren’t visiting hours over?” Jared says as he looks around. “And why am I in a private room? I’m pretty sure that my health insurance won’t cover it.” He starts to sit up and is fingering the wires strapped to his arm when Jensen grabs his hand. His hand is warm and steadying in Jared’s and Jared sits back.

“I snuck back in and the nurse let me stay,” Jensen says slowly. “And they didn’t have any other beds available so you ended up here seeing as how they’re likely going to discharge you in a few hours.”

“Okay,” Jared says as he squeezes Jensen’s hand lightly. “Say what you were going to say before.”

“I’m sorry for what I said when we were out for coffee, it was uncalled for and I didn’t mean it, I was just…angry.”

“Look, it’s okay. You were right, it’s not fair to you, Sophia or Aimee,” Jared replies. “She’s my daughter and my responsibility. I can’t expect you to look after her—“

“Wow, Chad said that I would have to spell it out to you but I thought he was just being…Chad,” Jensen interrupts. “I don’t mind looking after her! I told you just recently that I see you as family. I was just pissed that you were going to those meetings and coming back and pretending like everything was okay!”

“But—“

“No, let me finish,” Jensen grumbles. “I care about all of these meetings and the outcomes and I could see why you wouldn’t want to say anything. But what you were doing to yourself wasn’t good and it’s why you ended up here!”

“But—“

“I thought calling Sarah would be a good idea once I’d figured out that you hated conflict enough to not call her out on her shit!” Jensen doesn’t let Jared speak he just continues talking.

“Okay.”

“And I—wait. ‘Okay’?” Jensen says as he cuts himself off mid-sentence. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Uh, that I’m…okay with you calling her,” Jared responds slowly. “She was kind of decent to me when she came over. Some things came to light that I wasn't aware of.” Jensen rolls his eyes as he stands up.

Jensen rolls his eyes as he stands up.

“Right,” he says tersely. “I…I am going home because I have a shift tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.”

“Stop saying okay!”

“Oka—I mean…sorry,” Jared splutters. “Look we’ll talk when I get out of hospital.”

“Sure,” Jensen says as he takes a breath. “We’ll just talk later, like we always do.”

“Uh, ok—“

“Don’t even say it!” Jensen says angrily. ”We’re better than this Jared, I know we are. But the way you’ve been treating me over the last few weeks…shutting me out. You can’t do that and expect me to be at your beck and call at the same time." Before Jensen can say anything else the door opens and nurse walks in. She smiles at Jensen, who nods back at her and walks over to the monitors by the bed. She fiddles around with them for few seconds before grabbing the folder at the end of the bed and writing something down. Meanwhile, Jared avoids looking at Jensen who’s shrugging his coat on with a dark look on his face.

“I’m sorry sir but you really shouldn’t be in here,” The nurse says. “You can come back in a few hours.” She leaves and Jensen’s hot on her heels when Jared calls out,

“Jensen,” Jensen stops but doesn’t turn around. “Love you.” As Jared’s heart pounds in his chest, Jensen turns around slowly. There’s a tiny smile on his face as he says,

“Love you too.”

\--

The next morning Jared discharges himself before the doctor shows up, only realising that he doesn’t have a ride home when he steps outside in nothing but the hoodie he had on last night. He stands outside and counts the cash in his wallet; luckily he has enough for a cab that’ll take him over to his parents’ house. He misses his daughter, and if there’s anyone who’ll make him feel better right now it’d be her. Jared’s not sure how things are with Jensen at the moment, for some reason he can never get the right word out when they speak and he just gets the feeling that he’s screwing things up.

He’s just about to go back in to the hospital to find a phone when he hears a car horn going off.

“Jared!”

It’s Jensen.

Three hours later, after Jensen picked up Aimee from his parent’s house Jared finds himself watching Aimee as she scribbles all over her colouring books. Jensen gets back from some emergency at the library and Jared looks up to see Jensen hanging up his coat.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey.” Jensen leans down to press a quick kiss on his mouth before he settles down on the couch. Before Jared can say anything, Aimee abandons her colouring book, mounts the couch and climbs onto Jared’s lap. Jared winces a little at the bright pink shirt his mother had dressed Aimee before Jensen went to pick her up. But he’s distracted by her tiny hands curling up in his shirt as she makes her self-comfortable.

“She missed you,” Jensen says with a small smile.

“I know,” Jared replies. “She’s been a little clingy since this morning.”

“I don’t blame her,” Jensen says as he lets his head flop onto Jared’s shoulder. Jared grins as he snakes an arm around Jensen’s form and draws him in closer. We’re a family, he thinks.

They spend the next two hours talking things out.

\---

Within a week, Jared’s back to his usual self. He manages to straighten things out with Jensen and resume his job hunt. He finds himself at some art show with Sophia one evening when she suddenly blurts out,

“So I hooked up with Chad.” Jared laughs for a full minute before he realises that she’s being serious.

“Oh,” he says blankly and then realisation dawns on his face. “Is that why he kept on making all of those gross comments at dinner last week?” She nods grimly and Jared fights to hide a smirk from gracing his face.

“Are you guys getting tog—“

“Fuck no,” Sophia cuts in quickly and Jared chuckles a little. “But I have a confession to make up. I kinda kept on telling Jensen that you’d told me to tell him to pick Aimee up when you were either out looking for a job or at those meetings.” Jared frowns as he processes her words. Jensen hadn’t mentioned that to him…and…oh.

“Is that what Jensen meant when he accused me of dumping Aimee on him?” Sophia’s hand flies to her mouth in shock. Jared tries not to roll his eyes, she’s always been a little over dramatic.

“He actually said that?” she asks with a grimace. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. He was just upset that you were shutting him out.” This time, Jared rolls his eyes.

“Get back to the part where you kept on calling him to pick her up.”

“Yeah, look I know that we’ve always had a sort of flexible agreement, even though we drew up that contract but…I just needed some time to myself and you were busy and…” Sophia trails off as she looks down at the floor. Jared sips at his champagne absently before he says,

“You mean you needed some time to fuck Chad?” Even though he’s a little pissed, he can’t help the laughter that bubbles up in his chest.

“Jared!” Sophia chastises him with a light smack on his shoulder and Jared just sticks his tongue out at her. “You’re not mad?”

“I am, a little,” Jared admits. “It was unfair to do that to Jensen, and…I hate that you felt you couldn’t talk to me. Maybe we should…I dunno, rip up the agreement.  You must have something else that you want to do with your life.” Sophia looks at him for a little while before she answers.

“You seem different,” she says. “Wiser. It suits you; you’re a good father Jared.”

“Is that your way of saying, ‘I quit’?” Jared asks before he drains the rest of his drink, placing his glass on the tray one of the passing waiters is holding.

“Ha, see if I ever pay you a compliment again!” Sophia replies. “But yeah, pretty much. You don’t need me anymore, I don’t think you have for a while now.”

“Because I have Jensen?”

“Because you have Jensen,” Sophia agrees. “And you can always get another babysitter.”

“Yeah,” Jared says solemnly. “I need one that hasn’t slept with Chad.” Sophia groans as she turns to walk away. Jared cackles gleefully as he moves to follow her. He’s never going to let her live it down. He knows that he should probably be a little angrier with her but he just doesn’t have the energy. Not when he and Jensen seem to have finally reached some common ground.

\---

The day Jared gets a new job, he gets a good feeling. Not just because he’s employed again but because it feels like a weight’s been lifted off his chest and everything just feels a lot lighter. It’s a Saturday, meaning that Aimee’s out somewhere with Sarah for the day and he and Jensen get to spend the day together. Even though Jared can think of a lot more things he’d rather do, he knows that he and Jensen have to sit down and talk while they’ve got a chance. Jensen’s been busy with remodelling the library and Jared’s been busy finding Sophia’s replacement and screening Chad’s drunk dials begging him for Sophia’s new number.

His best friend is kind of an idiot.

Jared makes them lunch as he tells Jensen what Sophia said to him when he’d spoken to her.

“Ugh Chad?” Jensen says as he shakes his head. “I don’t even want to know.”

“Don’t tell her I told you,” Jared says as he chuckles to himself once again because it’s still hilarious to him. “She swore me to secrecy and then changed her number because he kept on calling.”

“Hey, pining after someone isn’t easy you know!”

“Maybe you should give Chad some tips.”

“Funny,” Jensen says. “But anyway, what was that about her calling me so she could sneak around with him.”

“That’s what she told me,” Jared says as he gives Jensen a meaningful look. Jensen sobers up as he remembers,

“God and I accused you of…” he trails off as Jared shrugs it off.

“I wasn’t even telling you anything back then so you weren’t to know, and….yeah, it’s my fault for trying to shut you out,” Jared says. “Have I told you how sorry I am?”

“Way too many times,” Jensen says pointedly and he ducks expertly as Jared throws a napkin at his head. “ _On many long journeys have I gone. And waited, too, for others to return from journeys of their own. Some return; some are broken; some come back so different only their names remain_.”

“Isn’t that a Yoda quote?” Jared asks as he laughs. Jensen’s likes to do that sometimes. He’ll quote some random line from an obscure book that Jared’s never heard of leaving Jared a little puzzled. Jared figures that it’s one oddity that he can live with.

Speaking of living…Jared rinses and dries his hands as he sits down across from Jensen at the kitchen table. Jensen eyes him curiously as he waits for Jared to speak.

 **“** So, we’re good right?” Jared asks with a hint of uncertainty in his voice. “You’re not going to up and leave town in a couple of weeks or anything?” Jensen doesn’t answer; he just cocks an eyebrow up as if to say ‘ _Seriously’_ and Jared chuckles nervously.

“I know that you’ve already got a key and I’ve got one to your place but…I was wondering how you’d feeling about moving in? With me and Aimee?” There’s a short silence as Jensen watches Jared as if he’s not sure if Jared’s being serious. In Jared’s case, he’s wondering why his heart his beating so rapidly in his chest at the thought of Jensen saying no.

“You know, I kinda thought you’d ask me when you gave me the key,” Jensen says with a grin.

“I didn’t have time to clear out some space in my room,” Jared replies as he returns the grin.

“And you do now?”

“It’s already done.”

“Then I guess you leave me no choice but to accept,” Jensen says.

“Really?” Jared can’t help asking. “You don’t think it’s too soon after…everything.” Even though he and Jensen had talked it out, Jared’s still kind of worried. He doesn’t want to end up rushing this if they’re not ready for it.

“Why would you ask now if you’re not sure?” Jensen says with a frown. He looks a little unsure of himself and Jared puffs out his cheeks a little.

“I am sure, I just…wanted to make sure that you are and that you’re not just saying yes so you can make sure I’m not getting sick again,” he says.

“You’re an idiot,” Jensen replies with a rueful smile. “Yes, I’m sure and with Sophia gone you do need a little extra help at the moment. Plus, I kinda want to wake up and see my boyfriend in the mornings.”

“Then, I guess you’re moving in,” Jared says as he tries to ignore the butterflies fluttering inside his stomach. Jensen stands up then and turns to leave,

“Where are you going?”

“We still have a couple of hours until Aimee gets back,” Jensen says with lustful look in his eyes. “We should consummate this shit.”

“Well then,” Jared says as he reaches out and grabs Jensen pulling him towards him as he continues. “Guess you better lead the way.”

The next thing he remembers is the taste of Jensen’s lips on his.

**_Fin_ **

 


End file.
